Speak when you are angry, and you’ll make the best speech … you’ll forever regret!
This particular life lesson, I feel, is one of the most important lessons you could take from my book. It will take work, practice, thought, and strength to pull this one off over time. But, if you’re successful at it, which I know you will be, no one will ever be able to say you were ever negative or harmful to them in any way. What’s more, your living this lesson before others will show them just how much you really care about their feelings, hearts and minds. Why is that important? Because this is what will become one of your strongest character traits. Friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and more will come to see you as someone very special to them. A good thing. Check this out …
So, what do I mean when I say, “watch what you say – it takes seconds, but lasts a lifetime?” Whenever you open your mouth, people not only hear what you say, but they remember it, and it becomes part of their memory … FOREVER! Personally, I don’t want people to carry around negative thoughts, words and actions (coming from me) on their mind forever. I only want positive, insightful, educational and entertaining thoughts on their mind coming from me. Here’s an example of why this lesson is so important for us all to follow:
“Oh, I remember when _____ (i.e., my dad, mom, brother, sister, friend, boss, customer, etc.) yelled at me. They really wigged out. Everyone around me heard the yelling, and felt so uncomfortable for days after their outburst. It was so uncalled for, hurtful, senseless, thoughtless, and left everyone just feeling so bad. Sure, that person came around the next day to apologize, but the damage was already done. I’ll never forget that moment he yelled, and his face turned red, and he leaned forward towards me, and he spit as he spoke. I’ll never see that person the same way again. I’ll only remember his outburst, and how he didn’t keep his cool. He couldn’t engage in any form of meaningful, thoughtful, caring conversation. You can bet I’ll be on my toes not to upset that person again. Wow, I will never forget what they said. I just wish I could forget that moment in time. Unfortunately, I never will. Wow, 5-10 minutes of fury, in exchange for a lifetime of memories. Another bag to throw on the baggage of mental B.S. I have to endure now for the rest of my life. What’s strange? Is I had heard he did this to others too. So, while I’m not alone in that receivership, I feel for other people who come across that much outpouring of B.S.”
Can you relate? Were you ever on the receiving end of a conversation like that or were you dishing it out on someone without any thought or care for how that person (or people) might be viewing you? Tell me that’s not the legacy you want to leave behind, is it? People tend to remember a few nice things you do or say to them, but on the whole, they NEVER FORGET the BAD THINGS you do or say to them. Yes, we’re remembered and loved for what we say and do to others, but more often than not, we’re remember for how we hurt others with our tongue, words and outbursts. Don’t let that be you. Never again, yell, raise your voice, scold, or lose your temper with another human being, ever. This especially goes for family. Why? Because we have to live with them, and/or interact with them on a regular basis. Friends, can say, “You know what? I don’t have to put up with that. See ya. Don’t call me ever again. Bye.”, and we’d have to honor their request. With family, it’s different. We have to be more on our toes not to hurt the ones closest to us, and set the example that just because you’re family that doesn’t give you a license to hurt others. On the contrary, you can be treated like friends, or ex-friends, for that matter.
So, knowing this, whenever I feel like lashing out at someone, no matter how intense the moment, I (personally) choose to bite my lip, zip it, hold my tongue, watch my words, think before I speak, reign in any (possible) outrage, venting, scolding, or steam-releasing words onto someone, because I know it’s wiser to take just a few SECONDS or a minute or two and hold back what I feel I want to say, in return SAVING THEM A LIFETIME of storing my (potentially) negative words on their mind and in their memory until the day they die. Nope. Not me. I choose not to add more wood that fire, or what others before me have done. I’ll (do my best) never to add those types of memories to someone.
Further, I try my very best to always come across as calm, patient, approachable, in control, not out of control, friendly, etc. THAT’S what I want people to remember. Believe it or not, holding this behavior constant throughout any argument eventually turns crying, angry matters into laughing, forgiving attitudes for all parties. It helps to maintain some level of humor throughout any argument, any way. For example, “No, I will not leave now. It’s terribly cold outside. I’ll sleep in the closet if you don’t want me around until morning. Besides, it’s dark outside and I’m afraid the boogie man might get me.”
How can ANYONE get angry at someone who is calm, composed, cool and collected? They can’t, right? Exactly! They either have to conform (to your positive outlook), or storm right out of the room (or hang up that phone call with you) because their own emotions are just a wreck in that moment and need time for cooling. Still, YOU keep your cool, and say nothing negative, EVER.
Eventually, people who cannot keep their cool tend not to come around you, because they know they can’t “get into it” with you. Instead, they have to cool their engines and talk rationally. For some, this just isn’t possible. Like like strife. They thrive on the excitement strife brings to their lives. Well, no thanks, none for me, thank you. So? Avert potential B.S. at every corner, and save yourself from being abused by others. Lead by example, and people will either have to follow your model of behavior or step out of line to the wayside, which is exactly what you want, because you’re busy, active, living life on your own terms, being kind to others, lifting others, etc. It’s self-defeating to engage in someone who refuses or is unable to communicate in a rational manner.
“IF you don’t have my books yet, or the audio version of them to soak in all this knowledge into your life, then you’re missing out on A LOT! You owe it to yourself to acquire this knowledge! I know I wouldn't live my life without it, and neither should you! Contact me if you have any questions about my books/audio.” — Bart Smith, Author
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