Not Happy With The One You’re With?

BY BART SMITH, AUTHOR OF B.S. THE BOOK

That’s B.S. How long have you been dating? Not long? Get out early. Why torment yourself? Life is too short. Fill your days with love, happiness, smiles and good times! Period.

Why suffer emotional B.S. for the benefit of someone else? No, that’s against the laws of B.S. It’s not fair to you. Leave them so you can truly be with the one you want be with. Make yourself available for someone who might make you happier and love you the way you deserve to be loved in return.

Do you have memories with a former lover you’d like to get back with? You thought you could make it (on your own, dating, etc.) without them? Don’t throw those memories away. Get back, while you still can. And remember, it’s never too late to fall (back) in love. Never, ever … Not when "love" is concerned. Love knows no boundaries. Love knows no rules … Love is love and love must stay together … I have a rule, "If our relationship doesn’t provide both of us the joy, love and happiness, practically without effort (i.e., because we work very hard at giving, lovingly, to one another), then we’ve got a problem!"

See, relationships can be very successful when you carefully choose the right mate, give him or her your very best in every area of the relationship and show tons of care and lots of smiles.

If the other person can’t give you their best back, or somehow always causes problems, arguments, disruptions, makes you cry … I’m sorry, but those are immediate grounds for dismissal. Get out of there … That’s B.S. You deserve better!

This goes for dating, getting/being engaged to be married, and marriage altogether! If you’re attached to someone you don’t love any more or you want to be with someone else because you’re just drawn to that other person, go for it! Remember, life is short! At the end of the day, remember, you answer to your own conscience. You’re always on your own, to some degree. You still have to take care of you. If you don’t, you just might go unfulfilled for who knows how long. We are responsible for our own happiness. No else is.

Now, if you are afraid of leaving, because of the pain you might feel or cause others … Listen, no matter what you decide, you’ll feel pain, either way … "short-term" or "long-term."

Short-Term Pain

"Oh, my friends and family will be so upset and disappointed in me if I leave … My mate will be so devastated … I don’t want to hurt him or her. But, what about me??? I’m just not happy in this relationship. I’m suffocating, emotionally. I’m not getting what I need!

What do I do?" … Simple; after careful evaluation of your personal happiness (or unhappiness), your history with this individual and a look into the future (Pro/Con – Stay/Go scenarios) … If your reasons are logically justified, (i.e., abuse, crying, pain, emotional trauma, emotional heartache, etc.) jump ship without any hesitation. Life is short.

Make careful plans to leave, state your feelings openly and honestly (you have rights) … "I’m just not happy in this relationship and I want out." Period. Done. Simple. Next. (Lesson: Evaluate your emotions with your logic and then decide what’s in your best interest. Go with the logical decision. Ask your heart what it really wants. Then, be silent, quiet and listen for a logic-tempered emotional response. That’s your answer. Now, with your head, and using logic, act on what you just heard!

This is an easy exercise. We do this all the time. "I’m hungry – let’s eat." "I’m tired – time for bed." "I’m not happy in this relationship – I’m outta here."

Over time, people move on with their lives. Vacancies get filled, and short memories fade away. That’s the short-term pain of leaving a relationship if it’s justifiable emotionally and logically.

Long-Term Pain

"Oh, I don’t want to upset my friends and family or disappoint them … so I’ll stay in this relationship and be miserable." This is a losing battle. In time, you just might come to regret all the months, years, even decades you wasted "just surviving" in an unfulfilled relationship. You’ll have lost (potential) years you could have loved and lived with someone else who was truly fit to love you likewise in return. All because you wanted to make others happy (at your own expense for the rest of your life). That’s B.S.

You owe no one any favors. They don’t sleep with you. They don’t take care of you, really. They don’t pay your bills. You owe nothing to no one! Period. They have their life, you have yours. Parents like to tell us about their stories of when they met. Sorry. Times were a little different then. Life is a bit more complicated today.

Again, careful evaluation of your heart and soul. Careful planning with emotional and logical justification while defending your emotions win you happiness every time. Stand your ground. You are so worth it.

Now, if children are involved, tread slowly. Children need both parents as much as possible. Stay together for the children’s sake, if that’s possible. If not, again, tread slowly and carefully. Keep the children in mind as much as possible. They love you and need you very much.

One note about children, if there is physical abuse in the house, there is no excuse … get out, NOW! Any abuse, either verbal, emotional, mental or physical is B.S. Get out. No questions.

Remember, there are two ways to show someone you care: love and abstinence. If you love them, and they’re causing you harm, abstain from their presence. Get out. Your absence may be just what they need to sober up or … move on. Again, you deserve (only) the best in life. Period.